Are your kids ruining your marriage?

Today's guest post is by Nicole...wife, mama, and self-proclaimed writer from

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So many of us would like to blame our unstable marriage and deteriorating partnership on those precious little beings that we chose to bring into this world. Do you know how utterly ridiculous that is?

Let me drop a truth bomb on you -- Your marriage has absolutely nothing to do with your children. While I totally get it that parenting is darn challenging, your relationship with your spouse is challenging on its own accord, so don't blame the kids.

Far too often, I hear others -- and I sure as heck do it myself -- blame relationship struggles on the perils of parenthood, which is so off base.

Here are the noteworthy problems with that perspective:

  1. We are failing to take responsibility for our own relationship.
  2. We are using blame as an excuse to not address the real issues.
  3. We are perpetuating the mindset of "it's not my fault, so why should I fix it".
  4. We are looking outside of our marriage for a solution, when the solution only lies inside of it.

Now, here are some tips to help you realign your thinking more closely to the perspective that your marriage is within your control. Additionally, I have included some actionable steps for improving your relationship if it has seemingly deteriorated since becoming a parent.

1. Put your marriage first. This is gonna be a hard one for so many, like myself. I always, always, want and feel that I should put my children first, but this is wrong. While they can and should be first sometimes, they shouldn't always be. If you are constantly tending to them and only them, you don't leave enough time to care for your relationship. You also don't leave enough time to care for yourself. And if you don't care for yourself, you sure as heck are not going to be happy in a relationship.

2. Let your children bring you closer. Find ways to laugh about the challenging and less glamorous moments of parenthood. Smile when your children act like goofballs and maniacs in public, and find solace in the fact that you are partnered up with someone who is riding the same rough sea with you and that neither of you have a paddle.

3. Get close. Enough said because I know that you know what I am saying here! Get close often -- more often than you think you want to. It is important.

4. Remember that your marriage is setting the example for what your children will believe is proper "love". Are you proud of what they see? Do you want your daughter to marry a man like you? How about your son -- would you want his wife to act as you have been acting? Be sure to ask yourselves these questions, maybe even daily. You must regularly "check" your behavior against your values and be sure that they match, as often times they may not. If you are looking for more ways to improve your marriage, check out these 5 small changes you can make to improve your relationship and some of the wear and tear that parenthood stress has placed on it. Honestly, there are a lot of reasons why I hate my husband, and there are a ton more why I love him. And that is why I am focused on being happy with my imperfect marriage.

So, could your kids be ruining your marriage? The honest answer is...

Nope. No way. And now that you no longer have that excuse, what changes will you make to improve your relationship?

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Meet Nicole from Nicole is a SAHM living in Tampa, FL. Nicole decided to give up her stressful career as a Case Manager and Legal Assistant when she had her first child. Now, in addition to being an amazing wife and mom, she shares her 'honest, personal stories about [her] triumphs and challenges as a woman and a mom' at Learn more about her here.